brain farts, Life in youth ministry, Uncategorized

Incomplete

incomplete

Does the word ‘incomplete‘ stress anybody else out? Leaving tasks or jobs or assignments only half-done, or slightly attempted? This is something that really irks me – really pushes my limits. Even if it’s just the laundry – bringing in the dry stuff, but not going the next step and actually folding and putting it away. Bringing it in is only half the job. It’s incomplete. Blegh.

The last few weeks have been filled with assignments, readings, power-points and even some oral presentations as I squelch my way through an intensive Certificate IV. I worked my rear end off in the first 2 weeks to stay up to speed with everyone in my class who was able to attend face-to-face sessions whilst I was not. I submitted stuff, I worked into the wee hours and I bailed on things like vacuuming and doing the dishes.

This meant my house felt incomplete. It meant my weeks felt unfinished because I hadn’t done what I usually do.

Then I got – by the grace of God – to the final sections of this course (which has been a struggle at the best of times) and realised there’s a possibility I may not complete it due to some of the final requirements. So my house is back to being completed on a weekly basis, but now my assignments and my course may go incomplete.

Anyone else feeling that tension? Urgh. The very thought that I worked so hard for something that might now actually not eventuate brings on the tears and the panic and the guilt. The ‘incompletness’ of it makes me feel like I was never going to be good enough to finish it in the fist place, so why did I try? Why did I try something new?

During my latest episode of stress induced guilt and tears (or was it guilt induced tears and stress…?) over it all, this memory flashed into my mind:

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A lovely friend had this made up for my birthday. It’s one-of-a-kind. Hand-made. Unique to me and created for who she knows I am. And you know what? I got a little perspective. I am not this course – complete or incomplete. I am not the vacuuming – done or not done. I am not the washing or the folding or the dishes or the gardening…I’m actually none of the things that I put such incredible pressure on myself to have complete.

I’m the sort of person who gets lost, pretty quick, in the concept that my feelings or my actions or even my thoughts or what someone says about me is what I am.

God’s Word says the opposite though – there’s so much more to who I am in Christ than what I can complete. I am actually enough already, regardless of whether the washing gets done today or not.

And I am enough already regardless of whether I get a full course completion or not. Who am I performing in the course for anyway…? God? Me? The facilitator? My boss? At the end of the day, the skills and knowledge that I learned along the way aren’t forgotten because I may or may not get a piece of paper at the end. The people I met and the conversations I had during that time aren’t nothing. Every experience I have is worth it because I learnt something and it was were I was meant to be at that time…so complete or not, I guess what I’m learning now is that the outcome doesn’t define my worth or competence.

Completing the course doesn’t define my abilities and role as a student or an employee and completing the dishes or the laundry doesn’t define my abilities and role as a mother and wife either…I. Am. Enough.

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brain farts

A late-night snack

It’s after 11 at night…the lights are out…there’s soft snoring coming from my other half…and my face is aglow with the light from my iPad.

I love a good ol’ late-night blog snack

Sounds a bit lame actually, now that I see it written out like that – but it doesn’t make it any less true! I have the ‘bloglovin’ app and I have all the different blogs that I love to follow all lined up, just waiting for me to pour over. Some of them are travel blogs. Some of them are fashion blogs. Some of them are home-maker blogs and some of them are cooking blogs. But my favourite blogs are the lifestyle blogs. Blogs by (usually) Christian women on just about any topic!

I love these sorts of blogs – I find that I learn so much just from the few lines some woman I’ve never met has written and posted online. There are so many great stories of personal triumph, struggle, deliverance and perseverance in these blogs and I find they often encourage me more than I anticipate. Something one writer has said, or an experience that another has had or a stage of life another writer is in can speak volumes to little old me.

Some bloggers and blogs I am truly thankful for are
Charity over at ‘The Word of a Nerd’ – visit her here
‘Blogs by Christian Women’ – visit them here
Jen over at ‘Unveiled Wife – visit her here
And
Lauren over at ‘The full time girl’ – visit her here
Just to name a few!

If you don’t regularly read other’s blogs, can I encourage you to do so? You never know quite what little gems you might pick up along the way! They really do make for great late-night snacking…less calories too!

(Photo courtesy – http://sincerelydamaris.tumblr.com/post/56008274388)

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