brain farts, Life in youth ministry, Uncategorized

Incomplete

incomplete

Does the word ‘incomplete‘ stress anybody else out? Leaving tasks or jobs or assignments only half-done, or slightly attempted? This is something that really irks me – really pushes my limits. Even if it’s just the laundry – bringing in the dry stuff, but not going the next step and actually folding and putting it away. Bringing it in is only half the job. It’s incomplete. Blegh.

The last few weeks have been filled with assignments, readings, power-points and even some oral presentations as I squelch my way through an intensive Certificate IV. I worked my rear end off in the first 2 weeks to stay up to speed with everyone in my class who was able to attend face-to-face sessions whilst I was not. I submitted stuff, I worked into the wee hours and I bailed on things like vacuuming and doing the dishes.

This meant my house felt incomplete. It meant my weeks felt unfinished because I hadn’t done what I usually do.

Then I got – by the grace of God – to the final sections of this course (which has been a struggle at the best of times) and realised there’s a possibility I may not complete it due to some of the final requirements. So my house is back to being completed on a weekly basis, but now my assignments and my course may go incomplete.

Anyone else feeling that tension? Urgh. The very thought that I worked so hard for something that might now actually not eventuate brings on the tears and the panic and the guilt. The ‘incompletness’ of it makes me feel like I was never going to be good enough to finish it in the fist place, so why did I try? Why did I try something new?

During my latest episode of stress induced guilt and tears (or was it guilt induced tears and stress…?) over it all, this memory flashed into my mind:

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A lovely friend had this made up for my birthday. It’s one-of-a-kind. Hand-made. Unique to me and created for who she knows I am. And you know what? I got a little perspective. I am not this course – complete or incomplete. I am not the vacuuming – done or not done. I am not the washing or the folding or the dishes or the gardening…I’m actually none of the things that I put such incredible pressure on myself to have complete.

I’m the sort of person who gets lost, pretty quick, in the concept that my feelings or my actions or even my thoughts or what someone says about me is what I am.

God’s Word says the opposite though – there’s so much more to who I am in Christ than what I can complete. I am actually enough already, regardless of whether the washing gets done today or not.

And I am enough already regardless of whether I get a full course completion or not. Who am I performing in the course for anyway…? God? Me? The facilitator? My boss? At the end of the day, the skills and knowledge that I learned along the way aren’t forgotten because I may or may not get a piece of paper at the end. The people I met and the conversations I had during that time aren’t nothing. Every experience I have is worth it because I learnt something and it was were I was meant to be at that time…so complete or not, I guess what I’m learning now is that the outcome doesn’t define my worth or competence.

Completing the course doesn’t define my abilities and role as a student or an employee and completing the dishes or the laundry doesn’t define my abilities and role as a mother and wife either…I. Am. Enough.

*new blog series*

Week eleven + twelve – ‘getting there’

So you will have noticed I’m somewhat late in my blog updates…I’m doing two weeks in one! I knew this would happen though…just have been so crazy busy with assignments coming out of my ears, work, family commitments and other things that just randomly appear on my calendar! Sometimes I look at my calendar and I’m like ‘what the…? Where did you come from?!’ Haha never mind though, I’m here now for a quick update and hello 🙂

So last Monday was my learning event. The major assignment for my adult education subject and I did a lesson revolving around Mentoring for the the youth leaders at the church I’m a part of. Have to be honest, I was f-r-eaking OUT prior to it! I don’t like leading peers in things and I’ve never taught anything to adults before either. So this was a huge step up from my science lessons on ants for a reception/1 class that I did on my last placement! But I’m passionate about mentoring – very much so. I truly love it! I love mentoring and being mentored too. I have made some great connections and relationships through it and have seen myself and others grow in awesome ways that were only possible by God’s hand. And the youth pastor had told me that mentoring was now a part of the youth leader’s role description so why not? I think overall though, it went quite well. I was thoroughly thankful afterwards that’s for sure! Everyone participated, gave feedback and seemed to get at least something out of it. I got good feedback about what I could change or address for another time and actually felt good about sharing my passion with them all 🙂

Spent the weeks doing more research for upcoming essays, working and dropping in on people to say hello. On Sunday however we went with my parents and my Dad’s side of the family to a winery for my Gran’s 85th birthday. That was a beautiful way to spend a Sunday afternoon, even in the rain! The winery was gorgeous, the food was great and it was awesome to catch up and spend time with family we don’t see all the time. Plus, one of my cousins has just moved back from South Africa and her two older sister recently had baby girls who I got cuddle! So it was a really welcome break from sitting in front of the laptop each and every day.

As much as I’m very ready for the semester to be over, I thank God for this study opportunity and for the provisions He has blessed hubby and I with as we do classes and assignments. I hope that in all this, we are always following His calling for our lives and the path He has laid for us. I hope you are too 🙂

Oh, one more thing before I scoot – here, when the senior year 12 school students graduate, the Schoolies Festival is held in a town on the coast. 1000s of teenagers flock to the town, overrun it with parties, sleepovers, tents and more parties. Encounter Youth is a Christian organisation that sets this festival up and tries to foster safe partying, clean fun and volunteers to assist the new graduates to have a good time. I’ve been a volunteer once before and I’ve signed up again this year. I felt God asking me to step out of my comfort zone in this way, meet some new people and serve along side some old friends to help these teens who have worked hard all year to let loose 🙂 it’ll be one interesting weekend…!

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